Welcome to My World

It's well known that July/August are the slowest two months in our industry. It's mind-numbingly boring and can be very stressful when trying to pay bills.

One of my favorite aspects to this time of the year (other than football starting), is the fact I get to have the nieces around the store. I love these little feisty thangs! I do better with 30 minute stretches of entertaining them. Well, maybe 15 minutes at a time...

They are constantly wanting to play with all the little "Jesus Junk" toys in the store....

This was one of those moments...

Jesus Junk of the Week

Disclaimer: We do not actually sell these ... but they are out there, and that's scary enough...

A year or so ago, I was sitting up at the front of the store when I got a phone call. On the other end of the phone was a 'country' sounding lady, you know, one of those that feels the need to scream everything as opposed to speaking normally. She asks....

"DO YA'LL SELL JESUS SUNGLASSES??"

I said, "no, sorry, no Jesus sunglasses"... Needless to say, she was incredibly disappointed.

So, it got me curious and I started doing a little research.... Ya'll.... they exist!! Here are a couple of 'precious' designs.

WWJD

Jesus in 3D!!!

And people act surprised when I say this business can make you cynical....

Although, I'd be lying if I said these 3D glasses weren't AWESOME! Cuz they are!!!

Well, H#$%!

For about five years we had a small 'satellite' location in the town of Sumiton, AL. It did ok for a while, then it just started sucking the life from me and our Jasper location. It was plum depressing!! With it being a small place, we could literally do a whole days worth of business on 3 to 4 customers, if they spent enough money. That left me with hours of nothing to do.... Bored. To. Tears.

It seriously was depressing...

There was something really odd about this location, even though it was nearly 3000 sq. ft. smaller than the Jasper store, and even though we saw exponentially smaller crowds, the Sumiton store gave us the most problems with 'problem customers'. On the flip side, it also gave us a couple of our most memorable moments.

Like this one....

One day I was sitting there, in my daily struggle to decide what to eat for lunch.... this guy comes in .... late 30's .... skinny ..... I'm thinking there was some kind of West Jefferson Stache going on his face. You know, the one's that are dirty blonde and not exactly 'full' .... that stache.

Me: "Can I help you today?"

Stache Man: "I need a bible"

Me: "Cool, I can help you with that"

............. I walk to bible counter........ He looks blankly at all the bibles.....

Me: "What kind of bible are you looking for?"

Stache Man: "a good bible"

..... he pauses slighty .....

Stache Man: "well HELL, I guess they all good bibles!"

..... an ever so slight grin overcomes me .....

Me: "Yes, yes they are.... "

He bought a bible, #TeamJim win!

She did WHAAAAAAAAAT?

We opened the store in the fall of 2000, by the end of 2001, we had completely remodeled the store. Completely gutted the place, knocked out the back wall, increased floor space, built a 'quiet room' (that is normally my ebay store operations center)... it was an undertaking, to say the least.

It's important to note that this 'incident' happened about one month before we began the construction phase of our business..... Cuz if happened a year later, I'd STILL be traumatized.

During this time in our store's history, I was in school, again.... I had been at class one day and returned to the store in the afternoon. As I walked in, I saw my dad's face and realized that 'something had gone down'.... literally.

~~I must take this moment to let you know about my family history, cuz it's important to this story. When I was a baby, my dad wouldn't change my diaper, the very sight smell of 'baby droppings' would send him into immediate gag reflex. Well, one day he had me all day, and after a while felt sorry for me laying there in my own filth, so he decided to change the diaper... he proceeded to use nearly 30 baby wipes, nearly throwing up after every attempt at wiping my precious little baby booty. So needless to say, he can't handle stuff like this~~

Back to the story at hand...

He began to tell me that earlier, an elderly lady had come in the store, purchased a 'super giant print bible' and had a name engraved on it. As he was ringing up the sale on the register... that's when it happened...

A faint aroma of 'funk smell' began to permeate the air... it got worse... it got much worse.

He tried to ignore it..... there was no ignoring this.... something terrible must have happened.

The lady then spoke two words that now echo in the corners of our store and minds. As a matter of fact when you come in, listen closely and you might be able to hear it...

She looked up at my poor poor father and said..... "Uh Oh"..... (those words still haunt me)

Dad, with reluctant terror walked around the counter and looked down to the floor. That's when he saw it. This poor lady's "Depends" had failed her.... leaking the contents into our carpet.

That's right, this poor elderly lady had basically taken a dump in our floor.

Dad, showed her the restroom so she could clean up.... and my dad, a man that only changed my diaper once mind you, was forced to clean Old Lady Poop out of our carpet.

Karma folks... Karma! :)

"Jesus Junk" of the Week

Welcome to the first installment of, "Jesus Junk of the Week"!! This is one of my favorites!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...... and this is NOT a joke!!

JESUS CHALK!!!

Jesus Colors My World

Now, although the catch phrase is completely true ... Im gonna jump out there and say that Jesus' love for us isn't written in chalk ... Doesn't rinse away when the storm comes (see what I did there??? clever huh)

I figured since this was the very first post, I'd swing for the fences ... Seriously, every time I walk past this, I chuckle and immediately say to myself, "Really???". Oh, and we have PLENTY on hand, so come get your "Jesus Chalk" today!!!

Tell Yo Friends!!

Jesus Junk .....

If you're in 'the biz', you hear this term used often (Jesus Junk)...

Now, before all you overly sensitive, live to be offended, pharisees (oh no he dieenn, oh yes I diiid) get all mad and act like somebody took your cookie.... let me explain.

Definition (according to urbandictionary.com)

Jesus Junk

Term used by Christian retailers to describe small plastic toys, pens, and pencils that have been imprinted with trite religious phrases to be handed out to children for memorizing Bible verses in Sunday School.

Now, I've seen my fair share of this stuff... some of it, at times, can be clever.... but most of the time it's just stupid, shows zero creativity, and most of the time it's simply pandering to the 'Christian Consumer' .... I have found however, the cheesier it is, the better it sells. ~~Side note~~ typically when ordering new product for the store, if we think it's awful, it sells... if we think it's really nice and trendy, it quickly becomes the fat kid in dodge ball....

...Now that the explanation is out of the way ....

Once a week, I'm going to do my best to post, "Jesus Junk of the Week", complete with pictures, descriptions, etc...

So, as always, if you see something worthy of "Jesus Junk of the Week" (by the way, when you say that, you have to do it with a booming-deep voice).... email me all the juicy details and I'll see if it makes the cut.

I'll do some looking today and get the first "Jesus Junk of the Week" post up...... Good Talk.

It's About Time! I know, right?!?!

Welcome to a blog that will not make your life better... it will not make you a smarter person... it will not let you in on the insights of daily parenting (shout out to my girl over at robinschicks.com)... it will not give you the latest news on make-up and chick shampoo (shout out to my lady whatsthestorybrooke.blogspot.com).

What it WILL do (hopefully), is make you laugh and make you think before you 'act out' in a public place. Working with the general public for so long has given me an entire harddrive full of funny stories. Let's face it, people can say and do some of the most ridiculous things!

So, that's what I'm doing.... letting you guys in on some of those moments. Everything from a guy cussing to express his love for the B.I.B.L.E., to a lady who should have.... well..... I'll have to tell you about that one later, it kinda makes me gag.

Should be a hoot!